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"The Naked Truth About Unconditional Love"
Since it is the summer season in the northern hemisphere, it seems appropriate to shed away some old beliefs and go "skinny dipping" in a new pool of love. Some of us might be a bit shy to expose ourselves to the naked truth, but trust me; your heart will keep you warm with these loving insights.
I think it is safe to say that most of us learned our first lessons about love from our parents and siblings. We were welcomed into this world with smiles, cuddles, kisses and hugs. As we progressed through childhood, we discovered that good behavior was rewarded with more love. At an early age, we were learning about "conditional love". By adding "new conditions" in our teenage years, we were learning about love and acceptance. Wear the right clothes, say the right things, act in a certain way, and we were loved and accepted in the popular friendship circles.
Our early intimate relationships may have taught us that the way to our partner's heart was through their pants. Unfortunately, men have earned a reputation for placing conditions on love based on sexual satisfaction. If our girlfriends or wives "put out"; then we would really love them. However, trading sexual rewards in return for love does not build intimacy in relationships. True love does not need to be rewarded in this manner. Fostering unconditional love is the secret to experiencing magical lovemaking in our relationships.
The first step to developing unconditional love is to find it within us. The most important relationship that we will ever have is the one that we have with ourselves. Unfortunately, we have become so used to "conditional love" that some of us have placed conditions on loving ourselves. I will truly love myself when I get that promotion, I earn more money, I loose those unwanted pounds, I become successful, etc.
How important is it to break the habit of conditional love? If we are always placing conditions on the love that we have for others, and ourselves then true love will always be just one more condition away. Unconditional love frees us from being judgmental and allows us to experience more intimacy in our lives.
A great example of unconditional love is the bond that we share with out pets. Our dogs and cats love us unconditionally. Even when we get mad at them, most pets will greet us with a wagging tail or a wet tongue. This summer we had the unfortunate experience of putting down our beloved 14-year old border collie Sasha. She brought so much love into our home and it was a very sad day when she went to sleep for the last time. Thanks to our pets, we know how it feels to be loved unconditionally. Some of us might feel we have better relationships with our pets, than with our partners. Maybe it is because our pets are easier to train and all they need is a scratch behind the ear to make them happy!
How can we find that unconditional love within ourselves? It starts with self-acceptance and forgiveness. We need to forgive our past mistakes and accept ourselves for who we are. We can then reprogram our conditioned minds with unconditional love. A simple and very effective meditative exercise is to sit quietly and repeat, "I am love". The conscious mind influences the subconscious mind by repeating affirmations. Try this love exercise twice a day for about 10 minutes each time. Soon you will be so full of love that you will be glowing. Have you ever met someone who seems radiant? Perhaps they were full of love or they just had a couple glasses of wine! Radiance occurs when our love shines from within.
Why is unconditional self-love so important? Relationship experts tell us that we cannot truly love someone else, until we love ourselves unconditionally first. Perhaps that is why some people jump from one relationship to another. They might be searching for love on the outside before discovering true love within.
This summer try to strip away the conditions that are holding you back from experiencing unconditional love. Be patient and treat yourself with tender loving care. Go ahead and give yourself a big hug, because you deserve it. If someone sees you embracing yourself, just tell them that you are practicing safe sex!
Bobby of Syncrohearts
Bobby O'Neal helps manage a community forest in Mission, BC. He is also an author and creator of SYNCROHEARTS: The new relationship game you love to play and play to love created for all couples to improve their love for each other and strengthen their relationship. SYNCROHEARTS and Bobby were seen October 15th 2007 on CBC's Dragons Den and were voted by all viewers as the winner of that episode. Bobby has written many articles on self improvement, love and relationships. Visit www.syncrohearts.com for details about this meditation-inspired game and more articles. You may also contact Bobby directly at: info@syncrohearts.com
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